Recently I have become aware of some bitter old queens who have written articles that cited the fact that I have chosen not to press charges and tied that in with sarcastic comments saying I have made a "miraculous recovery" from being raped and "just in time for my Wyler Nation Vacation Sweepstakes." Thus implying that my rape claim must indeed be a hoax. As if being raped is like getting Cancer. Oh yes, I was diagnosed with butt rape cancer, doctors gave me 9 months to live but by the grace of god and two months of abstinence chemo therapy from the outstanding Justice Department Hospital for Butt Rape Cancer, I am butt rape cancer free. Now I'm a changed man! No more gang bangs and flip fucks for me... I don't know about you but I didn't know that rape victims had to go through a life altering recovery period before moving on with their lives.
Mrs. Knowitall, What page is that on in our Human Sexuality Text Book? I can't find it.
I would be lying if I said it hasn't affected me because it has. But in different ways than some people might expect and not to the same extent. At first I was engulfed in anger, I thought I would seek revenge either through the justice system or through other means. But that anger has since died down and I no longer seek revenge or justice, I only long to put this all behind me. So no, I am not pressing charges, he already took away few hours of my life, why would I spend anymore time on him?
Some people voiced the opinion that it was my duty, my responsibility to put the rapist behind bars in order to safeguard others. It's not. If you participate in risky behavior then sometimes there are consequences. People need to learn that for themselves. I did something stupid, I invited a guy into my home that I did not know at all really. I wasn't attacked walking home at night or in some dark alley way. He didn't break into my apartment and rape me, I welcomed him in and wanted to have sex with him... until he went psycho. Now none of that excuses what he did to me, it's still RAPE but at the same time I am not entirely blameless. What happened to me was a rude awakening . It was my first major consequence of being a promiscuous slut.
These days I am still as slutty, if not more so but I am little more cautious about it. I've learned it's best to first meet in a public venue where people can see us. I've learned that if my mind is distracted by his raging hard-on clearly outlined in his jeans and my judgment is clouded by my overpowering lust to get filled then I should just take him into a public bathroom stall and let him fuck me there instead of bringing home. I'm sure I've learned other things but nothing else is coming to mind right now...
Seriously speaking though, as hard as I try to fight it, getting raped has had negative affects on me. There are nights when I can't get it off my mind, I have nightmares, and then I have trouble falling asleep. Sometimes I crave having a top treat me like a whore and sometimes it pisses me off, like just randomly a guy talking dirty to me might trigger the memory of being assaulted. I can't seem to control those emotions. I can't stop myself from thinking rapist every time I see an Army bumper sticker or a soldier, even though I know it's wrong. What's even more messed up is that every now and then remembering some of the details of the rape turns me on. And yes it makes me feel sick... but hard at the same time. I'm confused, maybe even a little crazy. I don't know what to make of all these conflicting emotions but my mind has always been a little out there so this is nothing new. I still have an insatiable sexual appetite and a dark sense of humor. I still laugh at South Park and distasteful jokes. I still enjoy almost all aspects of gay sex. I still have the same fantasies and even some new ones. I'm still me
I know some of you question me and wonder why after all this I still pursue a life centered around sex. The answer is simple. I love sex. I love being a slut. I may have been raped but I'm not broken. Why would I give up the things that I love? Let me say this, while he was raping me he told me that he was punishing me for being who I was, for making porn, for being "dirty", he said I was getting what I deserved. He said that I needed to learn that being a slut meant he could use me however he pleased. In every other context that kind of talk is somewhat hot but I got the feeling that he actually believed what he was saying. I feel as though "cleaning up" my act would be like backing up his statements. I refuse to believe that a person who embraces his sexuality and everything that it consists of, as long as it does not bring harm to others, deserves to be treated the way my boyfriend and I were treated that night.
If you still do not believe me, If you still think this was all a hoax or publicity stunt for whatever reasons, If you still believe someone who was raped would not be craving dick and getting it this soon after the event... And you couldn't get the message from all the pictures above... Then let me make things clear...
Now shut up and suck my dick!