26 December 2008

Your Voice Is Irritating

Is there an unwritten law somewhere that forbids people who have been sexually assaulted from having carnal desires and indulging in them? Is there some sort of biological, life-shattering, "I'm a victim so I can't have fun anymore" switch inside all of us that's suppose flip on when someone attacks you in such a manner? If there is then I was born without it and totally oblivious to it. Apparently getting raped is suppose to be immediately followed by the loss of your sex drive and the end of your promiscuity. Apparently getting raped is suppose to replace said sex drive and promiscuity with a life consuming fear of strangers, intimacy, and sex itself. I also didn't realize that after getting brutally raped at gun-point, drugged, and humiliated for a few hours, that you were suppose to be able to think clearly about what to say and do next regardless of how angry you were at the time. I didn't know that you were suppose to have an impeccable memory of the incident and that you were to put your life on hold just to seek vengeance. I mean if I knew all that then I surely wouldn't have gotten raped.

Recently I have become aware of some bitter old queens who have written articles that cited the fact that I have chosen not to press charges and tied that in with sarcastic comments saying I have made a "miraculous recovery" from being raped and "just in time for my Wyler Nation Vacation Sweepstakes." Thus implying that my rape claim must indeed be a hoax. As if being raped is like getting Cancer. Oh yes, I was diagnosed with butt rape cancer, doctors gave me 9 months to live but by the grace of god and two months of abstinence chemo therapy from the outstanding Justice Department Hospital for Butt Rape Cancer, I am butt rape cancer free. Now I'm a changed man! No more gang bangs and flip fucks for me... I don't know about you but I didn't know that rape victims had to go through a life altering recovery period before moving on with their lives.

Mrs. Knowitall, What page is that on in our Human Sexuality Text Book? I can't find it.

I would be lying if I said it hasn't affected me because it has. But in different ways than some people might expect and not to the same extent. At first I was engulfed in anger, I thought I would seek revenge either through the justice system or through other means. But that anger has since died down and I no longer seek revenge or justice, I only long to put this all behind me. So no, I am not pressing charges, he already took away few hours of my life, why would I spend anymore time on him?

Some people voiced the opinion that it was my duty, my responsibility to put the rapist behind bars in order to safeguard others. It's not. If you participate in risky behavior then sometimes there are consequences. People need to learn that for themselves. I did something stupid, I invited a guy into my home that I did not know at all really. I wasn't attacked walking home at night or in some dark alley way. He didn't break into my apartment and rape me, I welcomed him in and wanted to have sex with him... until he went psycho. Now none of that excuses what he did to me, it's still RAPE but at the same time I am not entirely blameless. What happened to me was a rude awakening . It was my first major consequence of being a promiscuous slut.

These days I am still as slutty, if not more so but I am little more cautious about it. I've learned it's best to first meet in a public venue where people can see us. I've learned that if my mind is distracted by his raging hard-on clearly outlined in his jeans and my judgment is clouded by my overpowering lust to get filled then I should just take him into a public bathroom stall and let him fuck me there instead of bringing home. I'm sure I've learned other things but nothing else is coming to mind right now...

Seriously speaking though, as hard as I try to fight it, getting raped has had negative affects on me. There are nights when I can't get it off my mind, I have nightmares, and then I have trouble falling asleep. Sometimes I crave having a top treat me like a whore and sometimes it pisses me off, like just randomly a guy talking dirty to me might trigger the memory of being assaulted. I can't seem to control those emotions. I can't stop myself from thinking rapist every time I see an Army bumper sticker or a soldier, even though I know it's wrong. What's even more messed up is that every now and then remembering some of the details of the rape turns me on. And yes it makes me feel sick... but hard at the same time. I'm confused, maybe even a little crazy. I don't know what to make of all these conflicting emotions but my mind has always been a little out there so this is nothing new. I still have an insatiable sexual appetite and a dark sense of humor. I still laugh at South Park and distasteful jokes. I still enjoy almost all aspects of gay sex. I still have the same fantasies and even some new ones. I'm still me

I know some of you question me and wonder why after all this I still pursue a life centered around sex. The answer is simple. I love sex. I love being a slut. I may have been raped but I'm not broken. Why would I give up the things that I love? Let me say this, while he was raping me he told me that he was punishing me for being who I was, for making porn, for being "dirty", he said I was getting what I deserved. He said that I needed to learn that being a slut meant he could use me however he pleased. In every other context that kind of talk is somewhat hot but I got the feeling that he actually believed what he was saying. I feel as though "cleaning up" my act would be like backing up his statements. I refuse to believe that a person who embraces his sexuality and everything that it consists of, as long as it does not bring harm to others, deserves to be treated the way my boyfriend and I were treated that night.

If you still do not believe me, If you still think this was all a hoax or publicity stunt for whatever reasons, If you still believe someone who was raped would not be craving dick and getting it this soon after the event... And you couldn't get the message from all the pictures above... Then let me make things clear...

FUCK YOU!

Now shut up and suck my dick!

48 comments:

  1. i think its great you've moved on, so to say, so quickly and are not letting it consume your life like you said why should it! and as for those who critisize you for doin whut you feel is best for you forget them this is your life they dont have to live it and visa versa

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  2. The people criticizing your behavior obviously don't read as much as they claim too. First off, just to address the symptoms they imply you should have: If the supposed psych geniuses read much, they would know that in studies, sometimes after rape, the victim actually does become more promiscuous, they also sometimes seek out partners that treat them similarly to the way they were treated during the incident. In addition, many people, who are raped, just go on about their lives as though nothing happened. Sure there are probably some lasting issues but who knows, which brings me to my main points.

    EVERYONE reacts differently to traumatic things. Also, many people don't press charges because the victim is put on trial, similar to the way some in the blogosphere are putting you on trial, the cops and lawyers are much much worse.

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  3. Your comment on this Mason has been commendable. You have stated that there was a problem in the past. That is only one step towards somewhat living with it. It will only really affect you if you let it affect you. What that man did to you was absolutely unforgivable, and I hope Karma will deal with him appropiately.
    And no, there is no law that states that people who have been sexually assaulted have their sex drives removed and replaced with fear. This is part of the human psyche, and it is natural in these times of chaos and uncertainty.
    People have said that this was a wind up, but that is not the case. Why would you make that up?
    For now, you are going through a process of examining the situation and where to proceed in life. You seem like a very nice [person, why should you be forsaken by the gods?
    I believe what you did was right. To risk pressing charges would give unnecessary media coverage, and you really don't want that now, do you?
    You need time to recover. Don't bother with what people think. Your life is precious, as is everyone's life. And no, you are not a slut. It's just that your sex drive was more active than the previous man. I actually prefer the active people, because they can understand things better.
    Think about it this way. This is a learning curve for you and your loved ones. We all have our roles in life, and one of yours was to experience what that was like. I'm sorry that you experienced that. I'm very saddened that you were one of the many victims of rape.
    But now is the time to move on. You deal with this your own way, but whatever you choose, I'll be right behind you, supporting you all of the way.
    I hope that life for you will be better in the days to come. I'll think about you and pray that nothing like that happens again.
    Take care, my child and be cautious
    Ciao
    Xx_RavsDesire_xX

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  4. You've said a mouthful Mason and ignore the nay sayers you have our support.

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  5. Maybe we (and I'll include myself in this) have been brainwashed by too many Lifetime movies of the week & how women respond to rape. By & large, it's a female-victim crime and no one acknowledges that is can & does happen to men. The fact that you've moved on & continued to enjoy sex shows what a strong psyche you have. Admitting that the incident does still have an effect on you at times shows that you're not "walling" away the incident & ignoring it but rather continuing to acknowledge that it did indeed happen but you're not allowing it to paralyze you. I believe you when you say it happened and I believe your reasons for not pursuing the matter because I have no reason not to believe you.

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  6. You're right. It's your life. Play it by your rules. Just be sure that those rules include being careful to invite in only those who will respect who you are. I wish you all the peace that life can afford as you move pass this difficult time.

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  7. Okay so I just have to say that everyone needs to let you live your life, most of them have never lived through what you have so they don't know how you should react, and you can react however the fuck you want to. And second I would be more than happy to suck you :)

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  8. Dude, fuck those guys, you're one of the most individualistic and singular guys i can think of. They can talk their shit all they want, because i think i speak for a fair number of people when i say slut-on and do your own thing, they don't know shit anyways.

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  9. All I have to say is fuck them bitches. They have no right to judge you and you are handling it the way you want to. And second, I would love to suck you ;)

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  10. HELL YEAH!

    It sucks that you have to deal with people who have nothing better to do with their time than ridicule you. (bitter, anyone? no? ok then, jealous.) as if the emotions from getting raped weren't enough...

    oh yeah, tearing my eyes away from your body in those pics - Blade Runner, Spaceballs, LOTR, Fargo, QAF, Heroes, did you fucking steal my DVD collection? awesome taste in entertainment, seeing as how it's the same as mine!

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  11. I believe in what you said.

    Btw your glasses are awesome.

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  12. through this whole post all i could think about is where id like to stick those fingers...

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  13. To reiturate, your glasses are HOT! AND -- You serve as an inspiration for your courage to move forward and to not stop doing what you love. Thank you so much for this post and for still doing what makes you and the fans around the world so very happy. It is an honor to be your friend....even in the myspace world.

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  14. Damn, you even look hot when you're pissed off. ;-)

    Just one request, Mason: You say, "Shut up and suck my dick." I say, "I'll gladly shut up if you will PLEASE show me your dick! (A large close-up photo would be REALLY sweet! ;-))"

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  15. Damn, you're sexy when you're angry. If you were in the room right now, and said, "Now shut up and suck my dick!" I would instinctively drop to my knees, peel off your pants and suck you dry. If you're ever in northern California, feel free to drop by San Francisco and fuck my face.

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  16. I don't know if the bastard who did this to you is worse than the freaks who constantly attack you trying to discredit you, and what you have gone through. You are going to live your life exactly the way you want to live your life. If you change anything in your life because of the bastard, then you lose out to the clueless blog posters and the worthless piece of crap who put you through all of this hell. One thing you have done is let people know who read this blog of one more red flag in your area that may try to rape them. Unfortunately the only thing that will help you get over this is time.

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  17. Say what you got to say. Do what you got a do. In the end the only opinion that matter is your own. Don't let them even attempt to change who you are and what you do.

    The pic of you with your fist up is pure perfection.

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  18. having gone through what you did, it took me years to feel that i should want sex again, even though i did, hell my drive has really just gotten bigger and badder, i got my ex-bf to treat me real dirty once, and i swear i almost damaged the wall i was cuming on, i came so hard, it was hot, after i came though i cried, so it is hard, but ya know, it does get easier, you do realize that hey, really everyone is different on this, and i'ma do what the fuck i want, so get yours baby, shit get some for me too!

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  19. I'm with Mason on this. Enough. If you don't believe; then you don't believe and let it go. What is so important about this particular event that it consumes YOUR life? Why are you so negatively fixated on Mason? Don't cloud the issue by masquerading as a crusading avenger for the truth. There are many more worthy ventures for you to seek out that are much more world changing and would have a greater positive impact than your bitching on or about a porn star's blog.

    I don't know if you're bitter out of jealousy of that fact that he won't or would not ever sleep with you; or you simply just wish you were him and could do all that he does. Or you're quite simply just a dick. Either one is no good reason to continue beating this thing into the ground over and over again.

    I come regularly to his blog because I enjoy his writing, features, and of course his pics. He most likely will never sleep with me and I do envy the freedom with which he lives his life, yet somehow I manage to be able to enjoy Mason's blog and his ability to share personal details of his life with his fans. If you don't like or appreciate this a very simple and effective suggestion is to NEVER come to this blog again or at the very least keep your mouth shut when you do. Just because he has not a become weakened or withdrawn due to his trauma does not invalidate it's severity or the fact that this did occur. If you think this all still a big publicity stunt then your constant bitching about this is only adding to the supposed publicity you claim is being sought by Mason. "Don't look where my finger is pointing." Makes a lot of sense huh? Anyway, move on and find something better to do. The constant posts Mason has to do defend himself are posts that could be geared toward the other content that I love and interests me on this blog and I'm tired of it.

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  20. D-R-A-M-A...again.

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  21. I found the part about getting pissed everytime you see a guy in uniform or an Army bumper sticker a little disturbing. I think you need to take a trip back to Dink's house just to remind your self that some military studs know how to appreciate a proper slut boy.

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  22. Mason, I saw that comment in the Voice. I was ashamed that they did not believe you. They have written some pretty incredible stories of some very questionable characters from our area. The one that comes to mind is that porn guy up in Denton that is in prison. They printed all of the poor stories about him and sort of believed in him. Yet they will not believe what happened to you. Hang in there. I really think you are a great guy.

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  23. I'm glad you didn't let the experience make you into less of a slut. Btw, those pics of you flipping off the camera were hot, can we see some of those with less clothes?

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  24. I LOVE YOU (yikes i really don't sound this scary, think of it as just an expression) There will always be people giving their opinion about you. You have to take in the good as well as the bad. Just smile at them although you are very cute showing two fingers ;P HUGS take care and PEACE, GUSFRABA! repeat 10x

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  25. See this? These are your people who support all of the way Mason. These are the people who matter. The ones who acknowlegde for who you are, not what they want you to be. Now is not the time for mourning, it is time to celebrate the moving on stage of this experience. We will always support you, no matter what the consequences. You agree with me guys, right?
    I can't speak for everyone, but knowing these guys, they will have a sense of understanding what I mean.
    Take care my child
    Ciao
    Xx_RavsDesire_xX

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  26. Mason,

    I agree with everything you said, except for one little thing that doesn't quite ring true:

    "Some people voiced the opinion that it was my duty, my responsibility to put the rapist behind bars in order to safeguard others. It's not."

    Well... I don't know how much trouble it would be to identify this psycho and get him convicted. But he sounds sick enough to flip out and kill somebody one of these days.

    It's unlikely that anyone can learn caution or psychologically recover from the experience of being murdered -- unless you're a wholehearted believer in reincarnation. If you are, consider the karma of your actions or lack thereof.

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  27. No one who's been raped (I have)would doubt the range of emotions that you've been experiencing. We understand that there are feelings and emotions that aren't readily explained (or understood) and wouldn't make sense to a lot of folks. The important thing is to process the "...experience..." in your own way and allow it to have as little negative impact on your life as possible. While I don't necessarily agree with your decision not to press charges, I obviously don't know the facts; I accept that you did "...the right thing..." for you, and that's all that counts.

    You rock, Mason!

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  28. Mister Wyler,

    Well Well Well.....I think it is 'TITS' that you are staying true to yourself. NOT many people can and will do that AFTER going through the ruff ordeal(s) that you have gone through......I like you and support you ALWAYS, even though i know you don't need/want it......

    I agree with 'BC' I am a psychology degree holder and YES it is true what is said. MOST people, with weaker mental states of health and weaker supports, feel the way that YOU are being told you are supposed to feel.....Just like ANY study and turn of events, it ALL falls under the Population Bell Curve, there are people that aren't effected in the least, there are the people that are the 'norm', and there are those that are the extreme.... No worries mate! You are the LOWER end of the bell curve.....
    One thing that upsets me is, your BF was a part of this too.....Poor guy(s) how is he? All this beating verbal abuse on YOU, no one is asking how the husband is faring....

    Now for a little 'silliness', YOU are the BEST, or one of the best, 'stars' i LOVE to watch......Keep going what you do, JUST PLEASE be careful.....Next time these LOSERS give you the business, Tell them......If they Like it, they should have put a ring on it!!

    Take it easy big guy, and i hope to talk to you later.

    The Glasses WORK, NOW i'm happy i have a pair too....YAY!!

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  29. I wish you would have pressed charges, but understand that you had reasons not to. Men under report as is and so I think it's important to set an example that it's not okay and that the rapist won't get away with it.

    As for your feelings, I think that being more cautious is exactly what I would have expected to come out of the situation.

    Also, you're incredibly cute with those glasses on. Wow. You need to wear those more often.

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  30. i wish i had your strength. not to mention your body. (please forgive the periodic flirting but it is my nature to joke and flirt) i myself was raped when i was 12 i chose to go along with it because it was either me or my younger brother who was gonna get fucked so i chose to take it rather than a 6 year old. i have been able to have sex rarely and rather blandly since i was raped and it haunts me to this day. i wish i had the strength and drive to not let my attacker stilll have power over me til this day. There are times i cant even maintain an erection with someone i find attractive whether it be mildly or unbelievably so. (of which i find you to be in the latter) You are an inspiration to me and im sure many others such as ourselves who have been violated in the worst way possible the fact that you have chosen not to let the attack change the way you live entirely (and the fact that the 2 of you have stayed together through it all is also amazing) i have not been able to maintain a relationship for longer than 6 months without having to extricate myself from the relationship or cheat on the boyfriend of the moment before i am able to let myself feel anything more than an unhealthy need to be near the person in question. if ever you find yourself in nyc i would very much like to meet you as i very much enjoy your movies as well as your writings. and now because of this last post one of your most appreciative fans.

    thank you for everything,

    call me nick

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  31. I'm from Alaska, and all of this feels like it could benefit from hiking as a metaphor.

    Most everyone I know loves to hike. Every now and again, someone dies out there and we all mourn. Sometimes someone gets mauled by a bear because they happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. One time, a guy drowned because he and a buddy tried to get something done in his boat at night after they'd been drinking (talk about asking for it!).

    In every situation, we all feel terrible about the loss, and silently find ways to rationalize that we'll make better decisions. There is a small number of people who don't really like the 'outdoors'. We wonder what they're doing in Alaska in the first place.

    The point is, no one judges anyone for going out and hiking. Most of us have to admit that we do the same damned thing! Some like quiet walks along the same flat, paved road, and others like to get more wild and adventurous, climbing unknown mountains.

    Sometimes, people remark quietly to each other that Mother Nature can be a bitch, and sometimes she's teaching us a lesson. Sounds like what the rapist was saying. Only difference is that She's qualified to; I'm sure he's not.

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  32. Good for you! Who cares what others think-you are living your life for you. That's what is most important!

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  33. So cute when angry... love the glasses too

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  34. Mason,

    You are fuckin' hilarious! LOL

    Allen

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  35. You know i was thinking of horrible things to say to you but really i dont even know why im wasting my time leaving you this comment but since im here...

    YOU DESERVED TO BE RAPED....

    That what you always told people that was your big fantasy...

    Becareful what you wish for cuz you just might get it...have you ever heard that saying well if I were you which THANK GOD I am not i would think before i speak.

    Your just full of SHIT and you want attention...I recently met someone that has worked with you and all they had to say about you was how you resemble garbage...You think that by doin porn your this wanted guy...Let me just tell you right now your enjoying it and its fun and i dont blame you...But you know in the future when you try to be an adult and somebody im pretty sure your gonna be the biggest joke out there...Who would want to go to a doctor, lawyer, ceo of a company knowing they were the bottom king slut of gay porn....Save up your money...you will need it

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  36. P.S.

    Mason, I agree with the others who said you're even HOTTER when you're angry!

    One finger... two fingers... LOL

    Allen

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  37. Mason, it may be that you are doing well with your blog. Some have no scruples. They may be lower than the low in using your rape to demean you. If that is true, then shame on them.

    BCs statements sums it up. People don't know as much as they claim if they say these things. It is also sad that someone requires you to be the poster child (its like raping you again if they don't let you move on the best way you know how). Its weird how society seems to require you to wallow in misery for the rest of your life.

    You spoke out and made your peace. They need to let the peace made remain peace in your life. Screw them if they can't accept you are trying to move on.

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  38. You just did what you think is right for you. But I still want to kill that fucking bastard. I hope you will get over it and live your life the way it's meant to be. Don't let a bastard ruin your life and your joys.

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  39. Mason,
    I still think you're a beautiful person, both physically and spiritually and more importantly, an honest person. The 30+ responses here would seem to back that up.
    Any trauma will take time to heal. Like you said, it was a deadly lesson learned....so build on that.

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  40. Rock on.....you have to do what makes you happy and able to sleep at night.

    Thanks for keeping up your blog. Hope you and your family had a wonderful Holiday.

    See you in pictures.

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  41. Ignore the fuckers/haters. They try to distract you with their crap. I suggest you stop playing into it.

    Look at who those people are... stop wasting your time.

    You know the truth, thats all that matters.

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  42. Yeah, from my personal experiences (and from reading, but more from seeing what happened to my friends) rape makes people wayyyyyyyy more promiscuous. Everyone saying otherwise should get their heads out of the ridiculous and misinformed books they're apparently reading and try observing the real world. I mean, it's just a thought but, y'know, it might help them be better psych geniuses if they were paying attention to people instead of paper?

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  43. Can we see more pics of you flipping off the camera? They're turning me on. :)

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  44. ditto, perhaps naked and flipping off!!!

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  45. an attention whore?

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  46. You did the right thing by not pressing charges. The police are already insensitive to female rape survivors. It's unlikely that they would have helped you prosecute the case. We live in a rape culture where rape has been normalized and the survivors of it are attacked for breaking the silence. Had you gone to court, they would have further humiliated you and blamed you for what happened. The military, the police, the hospital--they are as much responsible for what happened as the individual rapist. The solution has to come from a community that will support the survivor and hold the perpetrator accountable. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  47. I know a lot of people who have been sexually abused or assaulted and I think being open about it is great. Don't read what the asshole's say and go see a shrink if you're not already. You're doing a good thing :)

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  48. It's easy to say what you would do in a situation, that is until you've went through it! Many of these nay sayers do not truly know how they would have reacted in your situation. It is to be commended that you are not letting this get to you. That you are not changing who you are, or how you live your life. I would have pressed charges, but that's not for me to say here. It's your choice, and I can admire the thought that this person will not take up any more of your time! Living your life the way you want, and being a success at it, may be the strongest revenge of all!! :) :)

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