13 February 2009

Terrorist Attack on Wyler Nation

Some of you may have been wondering where I've been these past few weeks. I know it felt like I abandoned you for awhile and it's pretty much true, but I swear, I only did it out of necessity.

You see there are these terrorists that have been terrorizing the citizens of Wyler Nation. It isn't safe for our boy-sluts to fuck with their doors open anymore, it isn't safe for sex tourists to cross into our borders anymore, and even love making late at night in the comfort of a bed isn't safe anymore...

With our country at full capacity tourists don't seem interested in taking a Wyler Nation Vacation, even if it's only for just one night and I don't blame them. I mean, Who would seriously want to visit a country over-run with terrorists? One of these terrorists comes in the form of a baby, but don't be fooled, it's just a disguise. This "infant" terrorist has some sort of sensitive biological radar device that goes off any time sexual activity is commencing and immediately releases an ear-drum shattering (and hard-on killing) cry that can be heard all across the country.

Some of their tactics for terrorism are less physically abrasive but just as torturous and unbearable. The adult terrorists routinely interrupt Wyler Nation "alone time" by incessant knocking on bedroom doors with notifications that dinner, lunch, breakfast, brunch, Chicken Adobo, food, whatever, is ready.

I tried to get rid of them but the First Boy insisted that they are family (a family of terrorists) and that we should offer them amnesty!? He must be crazy but trying to talk sense into him about the subject matter is useless.

The never ending demands to eat (anything and everything except what I actually want to be feasting on) are annoying, the crying monster makes me think of babies in a blender, but the worst offense of all is that they've cut off Wyler Nation's ability to obtain fresh loads of protein from a wide range of anonymous sources... Something the President and the First Boy have become addicted to. Wyler Nation is being forced into a cock famine and if I spend too much time in my country, I will starve to death.
So lately I've been visiting places where I can freely feed my hunger like: Back alleys, sex parties, gloryholes, cruising bar bathrooms, public park restrooms, truck stops, and bath houses... I ultimately go home but I'm usually so tired and jet-lagged from all the "travel" that I forget to update you, my readers. I apologize for that and I will try harder from now on to keep y'all in the loop. In the meantime... Can somebody PLEASE stop these villainous cock-blocking people!? I WANT MY HOME BACK!

19 comments:

  1. I laughed so hard when I read "Chicken Adobo," but even more so after I realized that you sequestered it between commas--because really it's in a category, all on its own. -gd from nyc.

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  2. I'm glad you're getting the chance to get away, but hopefully you're doing so safely. I feel for you, but I'm lucky. My family has other family members they would stay rather with other than me. My roommate's family is in Hawaii and would never come here. Time to take longer vacations when you get out.

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  3. id feel bad for you boys but upon further reflection...i dont. as noted in your post you are still getting plenty of "visiting" and "traveling" done, so no…no pity. as a wyler nation citizen who has never had the pleasure of residing in wyler nation and thereby remaining a forced expatriate, my pity only goes out to the other citizens of the nation in my same plight.

    i do though sympathize with you boys on the terrorism front...something must be done so as to allow regular addresses to the wyler nation citizenry...we will not stand for attacks on the sovereignty of the nation.

    FIGHT THE INFIDELS! STOP THE OCCUPATION!

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  4. Funny use of terrorism but I feel sorry for you!

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  5. Mason:
    I empathize with you. Family visits can be so traumatizing. Let me know if you ever want to do one of those “vacations in other nations” home switches.

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  6. lmao!! Seriously Mason, you two remind me of Rick and Steve on LOGO. you should watch it (Alien Boot Camp rocks too my fellow geek ;)

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  7. I love this post and the comment of a fellow wyler citizen, camohatboy. I really do feel for you guys but I hope this will not last too long. You guys keep being safe. You are handsome, intelligent, committed to partner and friends. You are a good guy and I want the best for you.
    kirk from Dallas

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  8. One could always just communicate with the terrorists and attempt to reason with them. 'Hi, you're leaving here now, but we still our fuck time.' :) And go from there? Do they know what you do for living? Tell them that like any athlete, you need as much practice to ensure that you're always at the top of your game. :)

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  9. Sound like the Terror alert in Wyler Nation is at code red! I can assure you, that this Wyler Nation fan will hope that the terrorism will end soon, and The President can get back to his usual routine!! I have seen those baby/monster creatures in pictures from other countries, and hear that they can be very mean. Nothing can stop them if they don't wish to stop attacking. I ever heard of one surviving a small nuclear detonation!! Be careful around this one. Hopefully, The shores of Wyler Nation will soon be free of this enemy, and things will be back to normal. Until then, all of us that wish to make a pilgrimage to Wyler Nation some day, will pray for the safty of her citizens.

    P.S. This Wyler Nation devotee thanks that The President is committing a great sacrifice for The First Boy!! The President must be a very caring, and kind man!! ;) ;) ;) ;)

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  10. haha. hilarious post. but dont stop blogging. cause then the terrorists win!

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  11. this must be an 'american joke'...

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  12. terrorism sucks if it stops you from doing the same! You must have a heart that matches the size of your dick for letting his family shack up with you two. Here's hoping there's some sort of terrorist field-trip today to allow some celebratory Valentines sex. I'll speak to immigration (my bf) and get the two of you clearance for a vacation to my nation ;) Hope you two come up with some good-natured Counter Terrorist activities!

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  13. That baby doesn't look like a terrorist, but she might be an X-Files alien for all you know, so be careful.

    I hope they aren't forcing you to eat balut, though. There are some Filipino specialties that I would consider terrorist foods, though maybe I could adjust to them in time.

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  14. Houseguests are like fish. After three days, they stink.

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  15. Logan tells me to inform you that AMNESTY is a bad word in the Political Science World.

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  16. Er... I hope Marcus likes your sense of humour. Not so sure if I do.

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  17. OK, why are you allowing these "cock-blocking" people into your life? What is the point, may I ask?
    This is your life, and you only have one shot of making the most of it. So what if dinner, tea, supper or whatever it is is ready for you, if you are not ready for it, then no offence, but screw those people. We (I actually mean you because I'm in a different country) are in a society where everything needs to be perfect and so-so. It makes me want to get my sword (look at picture) and teach them a thing or two about life.
    I only wish that people would just stop interfering in our lives. It's like we (I mean you again) are prisoners in our own world.
    If I could send a message to all of those intruding infidels, then I would say this:
    "Stop getting involved, or else I will be on the hunt for you, plain and simple!!!!"
    Take care
    Xx_RavsDesire_xX
    P.S. You may have be gone for a while, but at least we are the ones who will remember you. Send my regards to Marcus, will you?
    Thanks very much :D

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  18. Mason,

    It sounds like you need to set up your own Mason/Dixon line & keep the terrorists on their side... and Marcus needs to broker some sort of agreement that they will honor your privacy during set hours of the day or evening...

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  19. So Marcus' parents (or his sibling and their babay) moved in with you????? Tsk tsk tsk. It really is sometimes a pain to have somebody else livign with you becuase you can't do your "stuff"

    Also, I guess MArcus is Pinoy? And yu have gmanews.tv as one of your favorite sites....

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