09 March 2009

You Are What You Eat

Whenever conversing with a nutritionist, the phrase "You are what you eat" always manages to find its way into our dialogue. I always thought they were talking about my skin color, "You're so pasty white because you swallow too much cum!" You know, kind of like the all shrimp diet is why flamingos are so pink. Apparently that's not exactly what they meant. I figured that out on my own when all I ate was dark chocolate for a month and I still maintained my see through complexion. I guess what they meant to say is that what you eat, in one way or another, will reflect the kind of person that you are.

If I truly am what I eat, then earlier today while I was shopping for underwear, I was a total asshole, a big dick, and an even bigger dick-wad. Actually, to be exact, I was one smooth asshole, two huge dicks, and two ample dick-wads... I shouldn't shop on an empty stomach and especially not in a men's underwear store with a predominantly gay clientele. I barely know how to properly interact with non-porn homos as it is. When I'm hungry, my poor judgment suffers even more and it becomes easier for me to forget whatever manners I may have and just turn into a complete asshole/dick. Of course being a dick ultimately results with things blowing up in my face...

What does your diet say about you?


  1. That crap happens to all of us in all situations. I am most likely made of pure sugar. I eat lots of junk food while at work. Chocolate, cookies, all sorts of junk food, but I never put the weight on which is great

  2. My diet is mostly cheese because I LOVE foreskin! LOL

  3. Sounds like you're taking out a preemptive strike against the gay blogs that will likely hear of your antics and report them. Like it or not, you're a celebrity (of sorts) and you need to realize you're always in the spotlight. You chose your profession, and you've got to live with the baggage it brings, so just watch yourself in public. You can be the biggest a-hole in the world in private -- if you want to be -- but you need to keep a lid on it in public. And, by the way, you mis-used "myself." It's a reflexive pronoun, and should only be used when speaking of doing something to yourself. :)