17 November 2009

A Beautiful Nightmare

Meet Zane from ChaosMen, who also went by Todd on CorbinFisher and is now apparently going by the name of Tucker. I was obsessed with him for months. I watched and jerked off to all of his videos religiously. Thanks to Zane/Todd/Tucker I have killer forearms. ZTT was in my mind, the ultimate muscle slut. He sucked dick, he fucked and got fucked bareback, and he seemed to enjoy every second of it. On top of that, he greedily gulped down every load of cum, in every scene, and then lapped up every last drop like a hungry little pig. And in his last scene on ChaosMen, he was tag-teamed, condom-free, and had one of the guys blow a wad up his hole. I fell in slut-love. I knew I had to sleep with him. The only problem was figuring out how to make it happen. I contacted ChaosMen numerous times to see if they would put me in a scene with him. Complete failure. They hired me once, I guess I did poorly. They didn't want me back. That was my only option at the time so I figured like Harley and Trey and Curtis and Zack and Brock, the thought of ZTT breeding my fuck hole would just have to remain a fantasy.

Then one day while I was reading The Sword, I stumbled upon an article about how my fellow porn slut, Jesse Santana, was launching his own porn agency, an agency who's roster included ZTT. Without thought or hesitation I called up Jesse and got ZTT's number. I called ZTT. He answered. The stud was friendly and seemingly very available, for anything. He lived in Dallas and faster than I can say "fuck me" I was up there hanging out with ZTT in a hotel room.

During our first night together he was accompanied by a person he called his "friend". When he said "friend" he really meant drug dealer. And when I say drug I mean crack, ghb, ecstasy, heroine, crystal meth, etc. And apparently, ZTT used to be quite the drug maker. After about an hour of Drugs 101 it became quite clear that A: ZTT was stupid. B: ZTT was an avid supporter of illicit drug use. And C: My aversion to drug addicts was not as strong as my sexual addiction to ZTT. I sat through two lines of crystal meth, constant repetition of the sentence: "I'm not addicted to drugs, they just keep me balanced, you know what I'm sayin?", and an eye-rolling story about a "really good friend" of theirs that died earlier in the week due to a drug overdose. "Snorting crystal meth. What a wonderful way to celebrate her life. Now will your creepy drug-dealing friend leave so that we can have sex before you OD and die?" I thought to myself. And after all the drugs had been snorted he did. And then we did.

Surprisingly, the sex was better than I could of ever imagined. In the videos, his body was hot. In person his body was scorching. I am a big chest man and ZTT had the hottest chest ever. He had a very accommodating ass and a dick that never stopped. We kissed. We 69ed. We fucked. We came. And I was hooked. He was desperate, broke, and very alone. When I asked him why he didn't have any close friends he responded that it was due to Dallas's douchey population. I wasn't entirely convinced by his explanation but it was clear that ZTT needed somebody, he admitted that he hated being alone and that he needed help. Me being the helpful glutton that I am, decided to take full advantage of the situation. I thought I could lend him a hand since he was willing to lend me his dick. I thought I had found myself the perfect little fuck stud. ZTT was all for it just as long as I put a roof over his head and food in his belly. We set rules, he could live with me but he couldn't bring any drugs and/or drug dealers anywhere near my house. He told me that it wouldn't be a problem and that he wanted to quit anyway. I believed him and I brought him home to Houston.

Sexually, he proved to be very skilled in the art of making lust. He was very attentive and had no problem following orders. He was always hard when I wanted it and he always came when I needed it. He had no real limits to speak of and was always up for anything I wanted to do. But outside of sex it was a different story... A very different story. There was so much wrong with him I don't know where to begin...

He could fuck for hours but he couldn't hold a decent conversation. He finished every sentence with "You know what I'm sayin" and the only things he really cared to talk about were the drugs that he claimed he wasn't doing anymore and how his looks made him superior to everyone else. He was obsessed with going out to clubs, raves, and after hours parties. And I'm 99% sure he hid drugs in his anal cavity. He would lock himself in the bathroom for hours at a time to shit out the drugs and snort them... Or he had really bad allergies that left behind a white, powdery, crystal-like residue all over my bathroom counter and that were only triggered during really long dumps. You decide.

He talked alot of bullshit like claiming to have the power and connections to shut down the entire porn industry for "screwing him over". I'm not quite sure how he was the one that got screwed over because he readily admitted that he was a no show for numerous shoots for various studios. In fact, I found out that he was a no show for my studio a couple of times. And he violated an exclusive contract with Sean Cody. I'm also pretty sure he was kicked out of the Navy although he claims they just let him walk out on is 5 year commitment 2 years early.

He has some major anger issues and he's an ignorant racist. I don't mean he let "nigger" slip out of his mouth a few times, I mean he said it every time we saw a black guy and he said it with so much anger, disgust, and hatred you could feel it. One night during dinner, he asked me what I thought about the diversity in our country. I told him I thought it was beneficial to our nation. His response. "I hate living next to niggers." I told him his repeated use of that word bothered me. I told him if he kept using it I wouldn't want him living with me. He basically called me stupid for getting offended. I told him his racist rant and remarks made him sound dumb. And then an explosion ensued. Derogatory slurs were yelled in my face, the table was banged and beaten, and a beer mug was flung at my face with great velocity. Fortunately he missed and it just shattered into a million little pieces against the back wall of a very busy restaurant. The place went dead silent. Everyone stared. ZTT ran out and I was left to apologize for the disturbance. That was the last straw. It was then that I fully realized why ZTT had absolutely no friends, no boyfriend, no girlfriend, no money, and no hope. It wasn't because he preferred being alone and it definitely was not because "Dallas is full of assholes" like he vehemently claimed. No. ZTT was alone because HE was an asshole. A crazy, roid-raged, drug-addicted, racist asshole with a serious case of Attention Deficit Disorder and a complete lack of sexual identity. I dropped him off in Dallas the next day.

Over the next few days I received various threats and bogus accusations from ZTT via text message. He called me cold hearted for leaving him in Dallas penniless and alone. Maybe I was. He accused me of "fraudulent activities" and promised to get my website shutdown. That was a joke. He claimed I stole from him even though he had no money when we met and I paid for everything the entire time we hung out. He even threatened violence if I didn't send him his money. All of the accusations were entirely unfounded and perplexing but some of the physical threats actually did scare me:

"I will come down there make you regret ever meeting me. You have no idea what I am capable of. I will make your life a living hell. You better watch your back. I know where you live"

The threats eventually dissipated and were replaced with insults:
"You're ugly. No one wants you anymore. You're a whore"

But now the messages are mostly suicidal:
"I hate my life. I'm all alone. I have no one. I should throw myself off a building. I'm going to kill myself. Goodbye."

I wish I could say I cared but I don't. If you do care, and you know him, then help him.

54 comments:

  1. What a shame that someone has taken that road and fallen so low that he has lost all the things that we strive for like love, friendship, family companionship.
    Its a long hard journey for him to turn around and see when you are trying to help him. to lift him out from the pit.
    He needs o find someone whos strong enough to take all the shit, pain that he'll give them to be there for the rough road to get him off it and see a positive side to life.

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  2. Sorry to hear about that...sometimes you just never know what's below the surface.

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  3. Thank God you got out of the situation before something really bad happened to you. Fantasies are great, but that was pure hell, and unfortunately your good hear suffered for it. Glad you found out before things got way out of hand

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  4. Damn....i can't even say anything right now, who knew he was so fucked up

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  5. What a freak! Glad you disposed of that garbage.

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  6. Glad you didn't get pulled under. You know the saying, "Never jump in after a drowning man, he'll pull you right under." Hope he gets help.

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  7. DAMN BOY!!! That's some crazy shit! You're a bad ass man. I have new found respect for you and holdin' it down. Stay strong kid!

    Wolf hudson

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  8. I wonder if Bryan at Chaosmen knew about his background before hand and will he be reading Queerclick after. I can tell ya one thing no more chaosmen all it takes is one poor lost soul on everything in hisss life to touch something and turn it evil wherre you just don't wnat to look at it ever again. So sorry Mas. for you unhappiness.

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  9. He was a fucking Douchebag!!! I don't know why U even brought him over to ur house. Your way too hot and have a good heart to deal with some asshole.
    And If I was you Mason, I would get checked out because he sounds like his ass would go to the highest bidder for some drugs!!

    One thing to be a slut, another to be a slut who gives away his body for a fix. I didn't know U played SugarDaddy for some Cock????

    Diesel would have fucked Ur hole without Mercy!!!Still waiting on that scene to happen!! Bitch boy!!

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  10. I've learned the hard way that when it comes to people in the middle of addiction that there's really nothing you can do to help them when they're still in the middle of things. The best thing you can do is to hope they finally hit bottom and decide they need to make the changes they need and get help.

    That said, you do extreme things like that when you're that whacked out, I've seen it happen far too many times. For all his flaws, I hope he finds his way back before he falls in the abyss.

    Glad you escaped without too much damage, Mason.

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  11. Racism and drug use in the gay porn industry?

    *sarcasm* Shocking.

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  12. Like the Titanic he is sinking and you did good by jumping off before he took you down with him. People can only help themselves and some have to hit rock bottom before they can get better. I tried to help someone with similar issues and ended up having to kick them to the curb because they were lying to me and getting me in trouble with my apartment mgr for sneaking people in to do drug deals in the laundry room. It can make you never want to help anyone but I just remember not everyone is a meth addicted user.

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  13. That's very interesting, but we must remember that this is just one side to the story. It would be nice, mature, and fair to hear the other side as well. That guy in question (ZTT) has every right to defend himself, and we should give him a chance to do so. Until then, nobody should pass any judgment on him (or anybody else, for that matter). So calm down, people.

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    Replies
    1. Once you reached the "nigger" part. Fuck him! I have too many black friends and people of all other races. He is racist, wont live next to one. Go jump off the building buddy!

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  14. Man this hurts. Really bad.

    Just finished reading your blog about Zane/Todd/Tucker. I was really into him and enjoyed his scenes very much. Now I learn he used the "N" word repeatedly and carried hatred for black guys. :-(

    This morning I deleted all the scenes of him from my computer. No way I can get off to him now. Guess there really is a lot of hatred for blacks. Just can't figure that out.

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  15. you need to help him.

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  16. You did the right thing by calling him on his bullshit and extracting yourself from his situation. However, if he's fortunate enough to find the strength to get over his addictions, and calls you to make amends or ask for support - don't blow him off. Listen, show a little compasion and then decide. It's not your job to "fix" him, but it is your job to be there when he seriously wants to come clean (no pun intended ;-)

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  17. i just ask one thing.... that everyone remember that the person on drugs is NOT the same person OFF drugs.

    Yes.. this man needs help but he has to be at the point that he accepts and asks for help.

    Mason is hot as hell... but that alone will not make him stop. I have cum while watching Zane many times and he is one hot man and i personally hope he finds what is right for him and comes out of whatever struggle he is in a better and stronger man.

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  18. I read this post and then immediately downloaded three of his scenes. Very hot. Mason handled it just right. You jump out of the car before it rolls off the cliff. Well done.

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  19. Love ZTT, Mason you have great taste in men with that guy. As a porn fan I am only interested in the final product ZTT has delivered. Nobody is perfect. I will look forward to his upcoming scenes with the same intensity as before.

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  20. I'm not quite sure, but I think that ZTT is trying to get to Mason so he can hurt him. But if thats not true and he is genuinely suicidal right now, someone who knows him should go check this guy out. Even if this guy is a douchebag, he needs help. People change you know. People deserve to live a second chance. We cant change people, ZTT must do it himself however, he needs someone right now.

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  21. Despite the shit that he put you through, can we at least see this hot pairing of the two of you!

    I bet this is some hot shit. Did you guys bareback and eat cum?

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  22. Sorry to hear about your nightmare situation with ZTT. I know what you have been through. Not with the same person but very similar situation. It can be hard dealing with a person going through the paces of their own self destruction. Unfortunately, this is one of the down sides of the porn industry. This was very prevalent in the 90s and early 00s in West Hollywood and the Valley and we saw the demise of numerous porn actors.
    I have always admired and respected you for what you have been able to accomplish in the industry but my level of respect for you has increased ten fold knowing you are a man with a heart but also a strong head on your shoulders. You were right in how you handled the situation and I hope that soon ZTT will really get his act together and get some help otherwise he will just become another dreary statistic. But until he truly desires to clean up his act there is nothing you, I or anyone else can do for him. HUGS!

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  23. First off I want to say I am sorry you had to go through that. Secondly, I am not surprised at it. I know how bad gay men can be when they are NOT in porn.. and I know how much more worse they can be when they are. So I am sorry Mason, but what do you expect? Call me bitter, call me disillusioned, but more and more all I find are gay men being this way in some form or another. Its very frustrating and very lonely and I wonder if its me.. then I read things like this and I'm reminded that its not me.. its them. and that just hurts more, which i am sure you know too. for that I am also truly sorry.

    *hug*

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  24. Mason,
    He is a sociopath. Be careful, as even restraining orders (if it comes to that) are not effective. One of the common elements is they believe they have godlike powers. He will continue to harass you.

    I've never met him, but I can tell you his stare was intense, he used sex as emotional blackmail, he would be histrionic about the slightest little thing, but larger issues, like family, or feelings, mean nothing to him. He is most likely estranged from all his family, except for the ones that enable him.

    If any of this sounds familiar, just google "no contact sociopath" and you'll find what to do.

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  25. It is really sad that you only choose to publish comments that are in favor of your actions. Freedom to speak one's mind is a two way street. You just showed me how small you can be...Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame as the clock is ticking.
    AS I stated before, he became your addiction and you handled it badly.
    You have been around the block so you could not be all that naive as to hismotivation and actions.

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  26. Mason, I know you tried to not be selfish and I know you really do care but drugs are a difficult thing to understand. Life is difficult enough without them. Kudos to you for trying. Although it was initially a selfish act, I know you really thought you could help in a way. These kind of acts always lead me back to the saying, "You could lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." I think we've all tried to lend a helping hand and had it turn out to be somewhat like you've described. Maybe it's good to expose someone, when it's obvious that they're in dire need of a helping hand. I think "outing" him and using your popularity, makes you more of a friend to him than anyone in his life right now. You'll just have to keep us updated. Keep him in your prayers.

    EH

    Welcome back, I've missed you.

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  27. he is a sociopath...sad but true...maybe a sociopath, induced by drugs, but he is , to put it in clinical terms, he's "nuckin-futts."

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  28. Just read what happened and I definitely have to say that there is no way I will ever pay money for any movie that has Zane in it.

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  29. Mason,

    I've been there so many times, be it with wayward boys or porn stars. I, like you, am a glutton for punishment. Daily, I keep wondering why it is I do what I do for the boys that I love. There's a list. You have such a good heart, that's so easy to be broken. I hope that this doesn't make you bitter, but just a little more careful. But, that boy is hot. And, if I were in Dallas, and not Austin, I'd more than likely help him out, but I'm not, and I can't. He needs a program...not another fix. I hope he gets his shit together.

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  30. How pathetic, what a clown, it's true he has a hot body but his face is nothing special, I would double bag his face. Did you take his cum up your ass or not?

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  31. Me being the helpful glutton that I am, decided to take full advantage of the situation. I thought I could lend him a hand since he was willing to lend me his dick. I thought I had found myself the perfect little fuck stud.

    Aww, you're such a sweetheart!

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  32. Wow I used to think this guy was something but know in know he is something, I complete dick.

    Oh don't worry you are definitely not ugly, I look at you like you looked at him.

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  33. I've been down this road before, my ex became a drug addict. The best medicine is to not help them, and let them help themselves. He will make friend recover when he's ready. Really nice of what you did though.

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  34. Young gentleman Mason,
    a person who is in drugs has no today and no tomorrow in all aspects, just a hard difficult past. You will never be able to share your life with a person with all these features, you are handsome, hardworking boy and human chap give yourself time to find the right person in your life. Never take a situation like this again, the end couldn't be written in a blog!!!

    All the best and remain healthy, in good shape and bright mind to help the most needed ones.

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  35. Gays of Our Lives much? You need a reality show. I'd take your ass over a Kardashian ass any day of the week!

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  36. Hope he gets better. He seems like a lost and confused soul, who needs someone to bring some discipline into his life. I'm sure skill-wise he's very capable (as you noted), but some of the psychological stuff...

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  37. Is he even gay or does he do it just for the money?

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  38. Mason, I can see why you fell for Zane, initially. Obviously, he doesn't have Brad Pitt's face. But his body is magnificent. I just watched him in two scenes from "Sheer Chaos". Looks like he's up for anything. Glad you had some good fucking, before he went south on you.

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  39. HEY BTW, Harley from Seancody lives in the Quad Cities illinois and is available for rent if you want. email me back if your interested. no im not harley, i wish but he does have a HUUUGE cock.

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  40. hey you cumdump! Happy New Year!!
    We miss u in here ;o)
    Alex

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  41. Wew.. ZTT is so handsome and so perfect in the picture. But, after read the full stories, I am so shocked.

    However, I think that he is just into you for this, he NEEDS your help, Mason. Maybe you can be just friend and hear his problems. Also, I do believe that everyone could change because or reasons. Thus, maybe he can be better by not being racist and drugs-addict, after talking with you?

    Moreover, helping people is a nice thing to do right?




    Peace,


    Krish
    IND

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  42. Good thing you got away. I know you say you don't care, but you obviously cared enough to try to help in the first place, and that is what makes you you. *hugs*

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  43. First, obviously, we're all glad our safe. But you tried to help him, he just didn't really want your help. What he wanted was life given to him on a silver platter he thinks he deserves. Unfortunately, many people feel this way.. It just makes you that much sexier that you don't, that you fight for what you want, and that you are out there trying to help.

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  44. This is a very upsetting story.

    Mason, I have a question: How common is this in the porn industry? I know the conception is that it is common, but in actuality...is this guy the exception or the rule?

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  45. Gosh, can't believe what i just read. i mean really, Mason, thanks so freaking much! this comment may be too lil too late, but heck, it's better late than never, right?

    i used to be Zane's fan, like super big fan, mainly because his body, that chest, the nipples, and the list goes on and on. but not anymore. i had a folder that contained all his videos! it's just so ashamed that such beauty only looks damn good on the outside, but disgustingly ugly on the inside.

    however, i still hope he can find the light some day. n i know i dont know much about the reality of the porn world, but i think if there are people who can actually help him or at least do him a favor on telling whats right or wrong, u would definitely be one of them.

    all in all, am glad u r safe.

    owh btw, i love ur vid with tommy d. of all ur vids that u've done, that is by far my most fav! :-)

    regards
    HL

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  46. i think it is a bit tacky to air this stuff, but so what- i just wanna see him cum in your mouth and asshole, you whore (meant as a compliment, slut)

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  47. It's sad and ironic that this post came a month after his break up with Marcus. Mason's own addiction to cock completely destroyed a loving and fulfilling relationship. (You can insert your "fulfilling" jokes here if you care.) Just substitute "cum and big cocks" for "drugs and drug dealers".

    It's sad because Mason sacrificed love, commitment, emotion, trust, history, and intelligence for this. Guys like Zane. Superficial. Asshole. Lust.

    It's ironic because so many parallels can be drawn between Zane's behavior and Mason's out-of-control sexual desires and he doesn't even realize it. Maybe Mason was trying to play the part of Marcus in making Zane stop tweaking out, even though Marcus had encouraged Mason's addiction in the beginning, and made excuses for it. Maybe Zane fed off Mason generosity the way Mason used Marcus for his generosity of love. You can even read the comments as if they were directed to Marcus instead of Mason. Whatever...

    I think you're worth a lot more than this Zane character, Mason. You've given us all a lot of great porn - I still get off on your scene with Rafael Alencar in Obsession of D.O. Thank you for that. The slut persona you put up, helps me put up my own with my boyfriend. I just hope you find whatever it is you're looking for - that next big cock, or that 12,000th notch on your bed post - so you can be happy, loved, and willing to love. Maybe you'll find that big dicked asian stud with a hot chest who's into video games, anime, and syfy, who can talk to you for hours on end about compassion and history, and who lets you sleep around all you want and loves you just the same when you come home.

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  48. Mason, I appreciate your real-world sharing. Ugly truths that might help others in their boyfriend and/or fuck-buddy relationships. Sex, making love, hot and sweaty are wonderful; it is just the other 23 hours that we need to balance: earning a living, being kind and bold, creating "balance" in every aspect of our lives. Nice reality check. Enjoy your blogs and looking forward to your next post!

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  49. I just read about your ZTT experience. I had a very similar experience lately. I came across a very hot guy needing a place to live and a job and said he wanted to get clear of the drugs. I provided for him and it didnt work out. He wasnt ready to give it up. I drug my experience out longer than you did and it didnt help. I totaly get and agree with everything you said and did. They push you to the point that you dont care and you have to be that way to cut it off and to keep from being sucked back in. I got sucked back in a few times after I kicked my druggie slut out. all it did was make my life worse and prolonged his problems. Keep him out of your life. He can get help from professionals who are equipped for the purpose when he is ready. You did it the right way.

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  50. who was he on sean cody?

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  51. I have read your article on ZTT and am surprised that you were disappointed by what you found. Did you expect that young man to conform to your very conventional middleclass values? He is wild, like many other young men that do drugs and live on the edge. The only thing that attracts you to him is the wildness. Would you have him turn out to be your mother in a male body? Come on, let's admit it, you had a good time and then got tired of the game. I suspect that you are young enough to chalk your time with ZTT up to experience and move on to another hunk... but don't be surprised if you find that the sexier they are, the less likely they are to be tame.

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