22 September 2009

The War of Northern Aggression

The battle rages on in Wyler Nation.

Currently this land is embroiled in a bloody civil war. The fighting begins a few months back when the prudish populated North voted to abolish slavery, a long-running institution in which the libertine South heavily relies upon to feed its carnal appetite.

The South argues that without slaves, there would be no one around with big enough tools, capable of plowing deep into Wyler Nation's fields to plant buckets of seeds and harvest vast amounts of a precious white crop that half of the country thrives on.

Once a pro-slave territory itself, The North now decries slavery, claiming that it is destroying the heartland of this once great nation and demands that the North be the only entity fulfilling the needs of the South. But the North does not possess equipment large enough to properly hoe the farmland down South. Revelation of this fact enrages the North, leading to a Northern preemptive blockade on one of the South's world wide portals rendering said portal inaccessible to tourists for a short period of time.

The South tries to implement the use of manually operated rubber tools that mimicked those of slave-held tools in an attempt to appease the North. But the rubber tools alone can not do the work that legions of slaves have done, they can not plow as good as a slave plows, they can not plant seed like a slave can plant seed... In fact, rubber tools can not plant seed at all and therefore could never produce the precious white crop the South craves. Thus rubber tools are not the answer.

There appears to be very little hope for a resolution, secession increasingly seems to be the only solution.