27 March 2011
Recreating My World in Seven Days: Day 3
On Day 3 of recreating my world, I have decided to reopen my personal sex life to the general audience. Over the past few months I have been feeling like the gay man's dirty little secret. Whether it's just my imagination or reality, it seems as though a growing number of people want to spend time with me on the "down low." I get hit up for anything and everything, by boys next door to boys in porn, as long as it's not privy to the public. Considering that most of these boys live their lives out in the open, tweeting everything they experience from haircuts to hard fucks, it's quite insulting that I get swept under the rug. Even strictly platonic friendships have been relegated to strictly private places. And the saddest part is I allowed it. I bought into thinking my reputation was so toxic that I would have a detrimental effect on anyone seen with me. I used this way of thinking as my rationalization for keeping most of my personal interactions concealed. My desire for social and sexual contact weakened me to a point where I succumbed to other people's fears, leading me to devalue myself in a way I have never done before... censoring myself. This I can not do any longer. My life is an open book, if you want to be a part of it, whether it be for minutes or years, you will have to accept the fact that I am a big fan of show and tell.
Labels: Daily Journal