It is a saddening subject to those who are American by birth and disease free by the grace of God, when they are reminded every so often, by way of gossip, dating profiles, and news media, of the prevalence of HIV carriers within our once great nation and of the rate at which they multiply. These carriers, instead of being able to contain their illness to themselves, are carelessly infecting tens of thousands healthy humans every year. These tens of thousands either soon learn of their ill-fated situation and imprudently spread their undesired acquisition to countless others, or they don't ever bother to find out that they have become newly minted vessels of such a devastating disease and unknowingly propagate their sickness anyway.
I think it is agreed by all parties that the prodigious and growing number of HIV carriers operating indiscriminately in our communities are, in the present deplorable state of the country, an unnecessary burden to our government and an inexcusable risk to healthy members of society. However, my intent is not restricted to safeguarding Americans from the pitfalls of just HIV, it is of a much greater extent and can be applied to all those who voluntarily endanger the future of the country and its citizens.
After many years of contemplating upon this serious topic, I have analyzed the current proposed solutions to the problem touted by many others and have found them greatly flawed and misleading. It is true, the use of a condom during intercourse is effective in preventing the transmission of HIV most of the time, but to say condoms are the answer to the HIV epidemic is both shortsighted and unreasonable. It is not possible to force 100 percent of the population to use condoms during intercourse 100 percent of the time. Therefore, the viability of condoms ending the spread of disease rests solely on the desire of the people to use them by their own free will, and extensive data shows their desire is lacking. Furthermore, this unnatural apparatus is rarely remembered in times of desperation, drunkenness, or instant arousal, which is when most sexual exchanges occur. Solutions such as vaccines and cures seem to be the answers everyone is waiting for but never get. Every so often, word gets out of a possible cure or vaccine, always years in the making and perpetually a decade away. These are nothing more than false hopes. Other remedies such as pharmaceutical drugs, only serve to suppress the virus within the body rather than eradicate it, adding insult to injury by gifting toxic beings with more time upon the earth to damn more along with them.
The number of HIV carriers within U.S. borders stands at nearly 1.5 million and it is estimated that roughly 50,000 join their ranks annually. The question which stands before us today, is how to effectively end their proliferation into our decent society and neutralize the risk they pose to the well-being of others. Previous and current proposals mostly deal with how the virus itself works on a microscopic level, how it is spread, and how to treat it. These endless endeavors are costly, complicated, time-consuming, and ultimately ineffective. Therefore, I shall now modestly propose my own plan which I hope will be given profound consideration by all.
I have been assured by a scholarly eugenicist and a very dear friend of mine that most, if not all, HIV positive people are detrimental to progress and will surely not be mourned or missed if they were systematically executed into extinction.
The foremost step in my plan is to implement laws which allow for the swift identification of all HIV positives subsisting amongst the people. Hospitals and clinics should be required to hand over all HIV test results and records to law enforcement agencies. Using these records, officers will be able to track down a great many of perpetrators in a short amount of time.
The police should also be given the authority to stop anyone they deem suspicious and subject them to HIV testing. A deeply insightful person, a true lover of his country, and whose morals I highly regard was recently gladdened in discussing this matter and offered up a bit of wisdom. He pointed out that the typical HIV case is either homosexual or black, sometimes both, and is either a drug addict or sexual deviant, sometimes both. Using this information, we can utilize the brilliance of racial profiling to save time, and thus money, by focusing the majority of our search in the homosexual and black communities.
Other necessary identifying measures which should be taken include: testing of all travelers entering the U.S. as well as testing all airline passengers traveling domestically, mandatory HIV screening of all those wishing to enroll in all levels of education, requiring confirmed negative status to gain employment, and the taking of blood samples from anyone seeking medical attention.
I have taken the liberty to personally try out all HIV tests available and have found OraSure's OraQuick Advance HIV Rapid Antibody Test, which uses saliva to give a result in 20 minutes, to be the most efficient. Its portability and relative cheapness make it the ideal tool for all precincts to use in our war against AIDS. If budget shortfalls make it difficult to stock every precinct, airport, border station, school, hospital, and clinic in the nation with these tests then money must be taken out of education for the time being. This is a matter of national defense and must be given unwavering priority.
Once someone is found to be HIV positive, they must be properly executed. I meditated on the idea of having them shot dead in the homes, work places, and streets where they are found but I soon came to my senses and realized how scarring these executions would be to innocent witnesses who might happen to be passing by. Therefore, I humbly suggest HIV carriers be shipped out to temporary make-shift extermination compounds which would be set up all over the country. There, they can be executed, out of sight, using a range of tactics.
Taking examples from some of the past's most ambitious and visionary leaders, I have compiled a few ways these executions may be administered. For the brunt of the eradication process, I believe death by firing squad or death by toxic gas to be the best options. Firing squads using rapid fire machine guns are useful when killing tens of thousands needs to be done is a short amount of time. It is the quickest method by far but may also be quite unorganized. If machine guns are used for mass exterminations, marksmen will need to go in afterward and sift through the piles of bodies to ensure all have perished. Gas chambers are a good choice for meticulous wardens who prefer a job done thoroughly versus quickly. In the past they have proven to be very efficient, killing 100% of those locked inside of them, and I am assured the method has been perfected over the decades. Other methods which may be deployed later on might include starvation, bombing, or drowning. When it comes to disposal of the bodies I strongly suggest burning them as to not unintentionally pollute the soil.
I think the great virtues of the proposal which I have made are obvious and many. Firstly, it would once and for all rid America of HIV, with whom we have battled with for over 30 years. Secondly, it would greatly lessen the number of addicts and perverts, most of whom are the ones with HIV. Thirdly, it would usher in the general acceptance of intercourse without condoms, making natural sex seen as pure once more instead of risky or demented. Fourthly, it would free up government resources so that money typically being wasted on social services for the undeserving may go towards more noble causes such as corporate-tax rebates which help promote job growth or military funding which protects our freedom.
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, once America has been cured of this most nasty of illnesses, the ingenuity of my plan is that it can be applied to other harmful cancers that plague our nation such as the chronically homeless, the obese, and the mentally handicapped. Pharmaceutical companies profiting from the perverse illness would be forced to focus on more acceptable maladies such as premature ejaculation and Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. The world will finally be free of the Black Eyed Peas.
A bold man, who I owe my inspiration to, once had an ingenious idea to prevent the poor children of Ireland from becoming a burden upon their parents and country and its his words I graciously close my essay with, " I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich."