09 February 2012

Geriatric Liaisons

Last night I met a guy named Mitchell at a gay club. The music was blaringly loud, the place was pretty dark but his physical appeal was clear to see.

We talked as much as we could over the dance remixes of 80's pop hits but most of the conversation was lost in the sea of sound. After about the 6th "What?! I can't hear you!", we decided to step outside and chat at a late nite diner around the corner.

Out of the dark and into the light it was much easier to take notice of his adorable boyish face, his beefy muscular body, and his golden brown tan.

At first I thought the chemistry I felt between us was the type that could lead to hours of conversation on top of all night romps in the bedroom. But as the conversation went stale and the crickets began to chirp I quickly realized that our connection was purely sexual.

After a few moments of awkward silence and staring at each other, he invited me back to his place. I swiftly accepted. On the drive there small talk was happily replaced with dirty talk. Dirty talk led to genital focused groping.

I quickly learned that Mitchell was a well-equipped, aggressive top that loved to fuck doggie style. Needless to say, I was excited to get him in me.

But the moment I walked through the front door of his house I got a most unwelcome surprise. Mitchell forgot to mention that he had a boyfriend. An OLD boyfriend. As in elderly. Think Peter O'Toole a la "Venus". At first I thought he lived with his grandfather but no, it turned out to be his lover. So then I thought well maybe they have an open relationship and Mitchell and I were going to go into the bedroom while Old Man River waits in the living room but again, I was wrong.

Mitchell sat down on the sofa and we started the run of the mill chit chat of "Where did you two meet?" and "How long have you guys been together?" But to my horror Moth Ball Pops wanted to take the discussion to a very scary place.

We went from the nauseating story of how much they love each other to the vomit inducing story of how great their sex life is. He insisted on sharing the fact that because of the magical pill Viagra his century old penis was still operational. And that he used it on plenty of young boys. GROSS was the first thing that came to mind. I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE was the second thing that came to mind...

And then it hit me...

The First Time

We met on the internet. On AOL before AOL had any competition to be exact. It was a time before having pictures of ones self was common and before the term A/S/L  was past its prime. A time when the internet was truly a fantasy land where a vast amount of people pretended to be someone that they were not, where as a young boy I was seriously putting myself at risk whenever I tried to hook up, and where I had no choice but to trust this stranger's self description if I wanted to meet him.

His name was Richard. He said he was 17. I said I was 15, but I was really 14. He said he was six feet two inches, brown hair and blue eyed. I was a mere five feet nine inches tall. He asked for my number. I typed 214-969-0111 into the message box. "Can I call you right now?"  He asked. I hesitated for a moment. I had never ever spoken to another gay kid before and just thinking about it made me nervous. Three question marks appeared in the instant message box . "Yes" I replied.

A few seconds later the phone rang. I picked up immediately for the fear of my mother answering the phone was much greater than the fear to talk to him. At first it was awkward, I didn't know what to say, I pretty much just asked the same questions I asked online, I felt a huge rush to my head and my stomach felt like it was going to burst out of my skin... But then Richard said something that made it easy for me to relax, "I'm so nervous for some reason." I then realized that we were going thru the same thing, that just because he was older it didn't mean he knew what was going on. He was just as lost and scared as I was.

The conversation got better with time and as my fear dissipated my desire to meet him grew. I started paying closer attention to his voice, he had a deep voice with a southern twang, my dick got hard just listening to him. "So when do you want to hang out?" he asked. My heart began to pound and my  dick almost exploded. "How about now?" I said.

Five minutes later I was in the shower, getting ready to meet Richard at the local movie theater.

The movie was Enemy of the State, it could of been Elmo Fucks Barney for all I cared, I just wanted to meet another young gay guy. As I stood there waiting for him all different kinds of thoughts started running thru my head... "What if he doesn't like? What if I don't like him? I hope it turns out well. I hope he won't mind my braces (yes I had braces), I hope no one watches this movie."

I know what you're thinking... "Hey Mason, weren't you worried he'd turn out to be some old troll, or that he might kidnap you, or that it could of been a gaybasher, or that he might be missing some teeth?" The truth is, I wasn't worried about any of that, I never had any experience meeting anyone online before this so I didn't yet realize that people lied online, I wasn't jaded, I had no preconceived notions of what could happen.

Lucky for me, I had no reason to worry. Richard was a bonafied stud. As he walked towards me I could feel my hands shaking... "Please like me...Please Like me..." I thought to myself. With a smile and an extended arm he greeted me, "Hi, I'm Richard."

He bought the tickets and we walked in, the theater was empty! He chose the seats in the back. We talked during the previews, about his highschool, about my friends, what he liked and what I disliked...but as soon as the lights dimmed it felt as though there was a magnetic force pulling my lips to his. I wasn't sure whether he wanted to or not but I couldn't hold back any longer. I leaned in for the kill and he leaned right into it. That kiss. That first kiss was amazing, I mean between my braces and his lack of skills it could probably be ranked in my ten worst kisses ever if we were judging off technicalities. His mouth literally swallowed my lower face. But it was my first kiss and it was with a boy, a hot boy, a hot boy with fresh breath. So that in itself is why it was so amazing to me. We locked lips for what seemed like the whole first half of the movie but I knew I wanted more.

I wanted what was in between his legs and I wanted it in my mouth.

From what my hands felt, I could tell his cock and I wanted the same thing. What can I say, I was and still am a very horny boy, I guess I was just born that way.

Listen Up! "Back Down South"

Although I have every intention of moving up north after I graduate, I do have some sense of Southern pride. I readily agree that this region has many shortcomings but I grew up here. Living here has forced me to look past all the things I dislike about it and find aspects I could love. This music video depicts what I love most about the South. Its simplicity.

Nice Paint Job

Do you like my ride?

Valet Parking is for Douchebags

​Dear Dallas,

I've had enough of your authoritarian valet system.

I think the hatred began this summer at Wild Salsa. It was a slow weekday night, and we pulled up, handed over $7 and watched the valet back the car up three spots and throw the transmission in park.
I could have done that. Except, no, I couldn't. Parking in evening valet zones downtown comes with dire consequences.

Another night, I met friends downtown at the City Tavern. We were having a fine time until one of them watched his car sail by the window on a flat bed. Turns out he'd parked in a valet space, which was entirely his fault, but still -- it fucked up my night. The fiasco also set my friend back $250 in tickets and towing fees.

Then, two weeks ago, as we pulled up to Mr. Mesero, I saw the dreaded valet stand and implored my friend to look for parking on the street. We tried a few blocks before parking in a spot directly behind the restaurant we were about to patronize.

"You can't park there. It's valet," the jacket-clad parking jockey said as we got out of our car. We told him that were were eating at the restaurant, but he maintained that he had to park the car.

"Would you park it right here?" we asked, pointing to the spot in which we had more than capably parked the vehicle ourselves. The valet employee nodded in the affirmative.

"Well, can we just tip you and hand you the keys?" we asked. He nodded again. So now we're doing the parking, and still paying and tipping for the service? I'm pretty sure this is exactly how parking works in hell.

The Porch, Katy Trail Ice House, Meddlesome Moth: It's like this all around town -- restaurant after restaurant trying to mandate valet parking in parking lots directly next to the very businesses they serve. That's just stupid.

Valet can be a good thing. In dense urban environments, it's often worth it to hand over a few bucks and forgo the aggravation of seven trips around the block looking for a parking spot. But Dallas isn't a dense urban environment. There are streets and parking lots and parking garages everywhere. And I'm more than capable of finding my own spot without paying and tipping someone to do it for me.

I tie my own shoes in the morning. I make my own coffee on the weekends. And if my vehicle is going to end up seven feet from where I drop it off, I'd prefer to just park it myself.

Hot Pictures of Jesse Santana: A Fresh Cup of Piss

Who's thirsty?


Sometimes, four layers just aren’t enough. This shot comes from Coggles in York, England, where things have apparently gotten cold enough that a gentleman needs a bomber jacket, cardigan, V-neck, shirt, tie and (presumably) undershirt just to walk down the street. And even more surprising, he pulls it off without looking like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

It helps that he keeps his baggiest layers on the outside, like the leather bomber, while the trimmer sweater and shirt end up a few layers down. They’re also pretty thin, so he doesn’t have to size up to accommodate anything as bulky as a puffer vest.

And, of course, a sharp enough pair of red shoes will let you get away with just about anything.

08 February 2012

Listen Up! "We Are Young"

This video comes from a band called Fun! I don't really know much about Fun nor do I care to but I do like this tune. It has already been featured on Fox's Glee and in numerous Chevy commercials. I'm also willing to bet that every other high school class of 2012 will choose it as their class song. What do y'all think of it?

Where in the World is Mason Wyler?

Do you know where I am?