Last night I met a guy named Mitchell at a gay club. The music was blaringly loud, the place was pretty dark but his physical appeal was clear to see.
We talked as much as we could over the dance remixes of 80's pop hits but most of the conversation was lost in the sea of sound. After about the 6th "What?! I can't hear you!", we decided to step outside and chat at a late nite diner around the corner.
Out of the dark and into the light it was much easier to take notice of his adorable boyish face, his beefy muscular body, and his golden brown tan.
At first I thought the chemistry I felt between us was the type that could lead to hours of conversation on top of all night romps in the bedroom. But as the conversation went stale and the crickets began to chirp I quickly realized that our connection was purely sexual.
After a few moments of awkward silence and staring at each other, he invited me back to his place. I swiftly accepted. On the drive there small talk was happily replaced with dirty talk. Dirty talk led to genital focused groping.
I quickly learned that Mitchell was a well-equipped, aggressive top that loved to fuck doggie style. Needless to say, I was excited to get him in me.
But the moment I walked through the front door of his house I got a most unwelcome surprise. Mitchell forgot to mention that he had a boyfriend. An OLD boyfriend. As in elderly. Think Peter O'Toole a la "Venus". At first I thought he lived with his grandfather but no, it turned out to be his lover. So then I thought well maybe they have an open relationship and Mitchell and I were going to go into the bedroom while Old Man River waits in the living room but again, I was wrong.
Mitchell sat down on the sofa and we started the run of the mill chit chat of "Where did you two meet?" and "How long have you guys been together?" But to my horror Moth Ball Pops wanted to take the discussion to a very scary place.
We went from the nauseating story of how much they love each other to the vomit inducing story of how great their sex life is. He insisted on sharing the fact that because of the magical pill Viagra his century old penis was still operational. And that he used it on plenty of young boys. GROSS was the first thing that came to mind. I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE was the second thing that came to mind...
I DIDN'T DRIVE MY CAR HERE, I RODE IN MITCHELL'S CAR... FUCK!
If Mitchell thought I was going to have a threesome with him and his senior citizen then he was greatly mistaken. I mean I'm all about "the more the merrier" but with THAT!?!? The man was missing teeth.
I've been in incredibly compromising positions before but I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life. Realizing that Mitchell was part of a package deal I started to hint that I wanted to be taken home but it was clear that it wouldn't be so easy to leave the nursing home.
I'll hand it to the geezer, the man had balls for trying to get me into bed with them, old dusty wrinkled balls. Don't get me wrong here, I'm attracted to men of almost every age group, of all backgrounds and ethnicities but if you're old enough to remember World War II because you were in World War II, then it's safe to say that I won't be sexually attracted to you. Making this fact obvious to him was like pulling teeth... if he had any left teeth to pull.
After what seemed to be an eternity, I finally got Mitchell to take me home. On the drive home Mitchell asked me if he did anything wrong. As if it was perfectly normal to spring a horny geriatric Depends wearing lover on tricks your bring home from the club. "This is the living room, this is the kitchen, and this old fart is going to get naked in bed with us, cool?" Seriously, what was this kid on?! I didn't want to be rude so I simply said, "I didn't know that you have a boyfriend and he really isn't my type."
In which he replied, "Well do you want to fuck at your place then? Just you and me."
WHAT THE FUCK?!
If that was an option then why did he insist on pushing me to get it on with his Gramps? Maybe he gets turned on by cross generational loving... To each his own but that just is not my thing.
By the time we got to my place I was way too tired and too annoyed to invite him in so I graciously turned down his offer but told him to call me thinking I would never hear from him again.
Well... HE CALLED!!! He wants to come over this Friday for a little one on one. He's incredibly hot and I think he'd be amazing in bed but just thinking of that wrinkled old prune sitting all alone at home while his boyfriend nails me just breaks my little heart... And makes me want to hurl. My parents brought me up to respect my elders and to not play with other people's property. I might just listen to what they taught me this time. Mitchell is one sexy guy but I'll have to pass.
What would you do?