09 February 2012

Geriatric Liaisons

Last night I met a guy named Mitchell at a gay club. The music was blaringly loud, the place was pretty dark but his physical appeal was clear to see.

We talked as much as we could over the dance remixes of 80's pop hits but most of the conversation was lost in the sea of sound. After about the 6th "What?! I can't hear you!", we decided to step outside and chat at a late nite diner around the corner.

Out of the dark and into the light it was much easier to take notice of his adorable boyish face, his beefy muscular body, and his golden brown tan.

At first I thought the chemistry I felt between us was the type that could lead to hours of conversation on top of all night romps in the bedroom. But as the conversation went stale and the crickets began to chirp I quickly realized that our connection was purely sexual.

After a few moments of awkward silence and staring at each other, he invited me back to his place. I swiftly accepted. On the drive there small talk was happily replaced with dirty talk. Dirty talk led to genital focused groping.

I quickly learned that Mitchell was a well-equipped, aggressive top that loved to fuck doggie style. Needless to say, I was excited to get him in me.

But the moment I walked through the front door of his house I got a most unwelcome surprise. Mitchell forgot to mention that he had a boyfriend. An OLD boyfriend. As in elderly. Think Peter O'Toole a la "Venus". At first I thought he lived with his grandfather but no, it turned out to be his lover. So then I thought well maybe they have an open relationship and Mitchell and I were going to go into the bedroom while Old Man River waits in the living room but again, I was wrong.

Mitchell sat down on the sofa and we started the run of the mill chit chat of "Where did you two meet?" and "How long have you guys been together?" But to my horror Moth Ball Pops wanted to take the discussion to a very scary place.

We went from the nauseating story of how much they love each other to the vomit inducing story of how great their sex life is. He insisted on sharing the fact that because of the magical pill Viagra his century old penis was still operational. And that he used it on plenty of young boys. GROSS was the first thing that came to mind. I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE was the second thing that came to mind...

And then it hit me...

I DIDN'T DRIVE MY CAR HERE, I RODE IN MITCHELL'S CAR... FUCK!

If Mitchell thought I was going to have a threesome with him and his senior citizen then he was greatly mistaken. I mean I'm all about "the more the merrier" but with THAT!?!? The man was missing teeth.

Yeah...

MISSING... TEETH.

I've been in incredibly compromising positions before but I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life. Realizing that Mitchell was part of a package deal I started to hint that I wanted to be taken home but it was clear that it wouldn't be so easy to leave the nursing home.

I'll hand it to the geezer, the man had balls for trying to get me into bed with them, old dusty wrinkled balls. Don't get me wrong here, I'm attracted to men of almost every age group, of all backgrounds and ethnicities but if you're old enough to remember World War II because you were in World War II, then it's safe to say that I won't be sexually attracted to you. Making this fact obvious to him was like pulling teeth... if he had any left teeth to pull.

After what seemed to be an eternity, I finally got Mitchell to take me home. On the drive home Mitchell asked me if he did anything wrong. As if it was perfectly normal to spring a horny geriatric Depends wearing lover on tricks your bring home from the club. "This is the living room, this is the kitchen, and this old fart is going to get naked in bed with us, cool?" Seriously, what was this kid on?! I didn't want to be rude so I simply said, "I didn't know that you have a boyfriend and he really isn't my type."
In which he replied, "Well do you want to fuck at your place then? Just you and me."

WHAT THE FUCK?!

If that was an option then why did he insist on pushing me to get it on with his Gramps? Maybe he gets turned on by cross generational loving... To each his own but that just is not my thing.

By the time we got to my place I was way too tired and too annoyed to invite him in so I graciously turned down his offer but told him to call me thinking I would never hear from him again.

Well... HE CALLED!!! He wants to come over this Friday for a little one on one. He's incredibly hot and I think he'd be amazing in bed but just thinking of that wrinkled old prune sitting all alone at home while his boyfriend nails me just breaks my little heart... And makes me want to hurl. My parents brought me up to respect my elders and to not play with other people's property. I might just listen to what they taught me this time. Mitchell is one sexy guy but I'll have to pass. 

What would you do?

32 comments:

  1. wow! see, you have so much dignity.

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  2. you did the right thing, seriously that's just a little fucked up, and you can do so much better than Mitchell, probably every night of the week.

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  3. Wow! And in response to you twitter question, fuck no. What if the thought that gets him all ready and horny is thoughts of his geriatric lover, or god forbid, what if he is implying your ass is saggy enough to be a substitute for great grandpa?

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  4. Did the old man have circles all over him?
    From people touching him with ten foot poles?
    LOL
    Mason, you make me smile every time I read one of your "pieces"!

    J

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  5. Fuck him. Don't be a drama queen.

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    1. I agree. Don't ever let a ginormooooose cock go to waste.

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  6. Cool story, but one day you too will be that old, it's just a fact of life me personally I wold have passed on the offer because of the deceit spring Old father time on me. It's obvious those two have a bond however it may be. There are ther not older men whom are not attached and can play apart, so I would pass on the silver fox lover. But I will say this there have been a few men in my life who are 30 years older than me that I found incredibly sexy, and yeah I knocked the duct off that dick

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  7. HAHA!! Why would that break your heart, when you've described the old man in the worst way possible? You seem to be turned off more by his age than the fact that his partner sprung his boyfriend on you unannounced and has no qualms cheating. Judging by your descriptive nature, I find it hard to believe your 'parents brought [you] up to respect [your] elders...'

    You went home to have somewhat anonymous sex, it was your bad for not doing your research. It wasn't like the old man was trying to grope you in the supermarket or some other non-sexual environment.

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    1. I agree with you Robb. I have a feeling if the boyfriend was younger, there wouldn't have been a problem at all with having him join in, so what we have here is agism, a pure case of discrimination because of someone's age. I agree that the kid should have announced the boyfriend beforehand, in all aspects and details, and our Mason could then decide. But I am personally hurt by the over-exaggerated descriptions here. Clearly the man did not fight in WWII, he'd have to have been in upper 80's, which I highly doubt was the case. I imagine the man was probably in his 50's or 60's, which seems ungodly old to someone like Mason who is only now just pushing 30. As you say, the day will come, God-willing, that Mason will see the other side of 50, and have people treat him like he's The Elephant Man as well. Our society, and our Gay Community specifically, is decidedly agist and set up so that the young are blessed, and the old are discarded. It's quite sad, really.

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  8. after waiting 2 months for your next post, i'm disappointed in this one. Leave old people out of it. You'll be one too one day. They aren't something to be made fun of. I love your jokes and parodies about a lot of things, but this is just downright mean.

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  9. Pass! There are other hotties in the ocean

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  10. Just do it with michell at your place. If sex is good, do it again. His bf is use to it i am sure.

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  11. Mason, your blog is the only one I read and laugh so fucking hard at. You are hilarious. Keep it up!

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  12. Even if you were to accept Mitchell's 1-on-1 offer, you would still be involving yourself in his relationship with his lover (if indirectly), now that he's met you. I have no qualms about hooking up with married guys--but not if the wife knows who I am and, jeez, has met me. That's just too weird, and it has too much potential to be a bad scene somewhere down the road. I think you made the right call, if for different reasons.

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  13. Yeah, just fuck the guy. I mean his boyfriend will probably be fantasizing about it anyways, or you can video tape it for him :)

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  14. HAHAHA. This was very cute...a funny horror story!

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  15. Pass! This guy has serious issues. And the fact that he has a boyfriend make things pretty uninteresting.

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  16. oh please.. you know what youre going to do sweetheart...let us know how it went ..

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  17. Oh god, I would have just walked to the bus stop or called a cab or something, hell I would have walked all the way home!

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  18. Not being up front on being in a relationship is wrong and the luring you without an honest explanation is worng on so many levels. Not telling you that his partner is older is none of your business. Your snide commentary on the partner's age is agist and condescending. "Age is a condition and not a proivilege". You are no longer the innocent, blushing young guy you were twn years ago. To some you are old and over the hill. Sexual acceptance is in the ye of the beholder. Their telling you about the older partners sexual stamina, was rationalization. Your putting down the age of the guy with you patented snide remarks is ignorant.

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  19. I hope I could meet that guy.. haha

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  20. I think u did the right thing. I always get weirded out when theres a young guy with a really old guy. I mean , if ur older than 65 quit hitting on young guys. My age limit is 50. But thats just me.

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  21. best blowjob I ever got was from an 83 yo. after he took out his teethes!!"

    hahaha! true story.

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  22. No wonder they don't want you in porn anymore.

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  23. I know this is totally late, but I came across this blog after reading some articles about you. In this situation I would totally leave the old man's son alone. Chances are those old saggy balls were all up in your little crush's face, and lips. Yuck, imagine that kiss goodnight.

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  24. I don't see the issue other than you being ageist about the situation. I feel sorry for you when you're old and not pretty anymore. It wouldn't have killed you to go through with what he wanted, and you'd have had your fun too.

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  25. So, Mitchell has a Daddy. Shoot, I guess the sky really is falling. The Mayans are right after all. Dude, seriously? You have angst over that? You're more fragile than I thought.

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  26. It amazes me the number of people on here screaming Ageism Ageism!!! Really??? First of all, dumb term. Another politically correct idea created to give insecure people something else to whine about. Yes, the gay world is set up to embrace the young and shun the old. You know what contributes to this. OLD MEN WHO KEEP YOUNG BOYS AND USE THEM TO RECRUIT OTHER YOUNG BOYS. Also, ask any woman whose husband has left her for someone 20 years her junior and she'll tell you the straight world isn't all that different. So dry your tears, nut up and move the fuck on.

    I think it's blatantly clear that Mason wasn't into the guy because of the way he looked. Guess what! That's true of the great majority of the population. You don't want to fuck someone you don't find attractive? Then you don't have to. The fact that he was a certain age leads to his attractiveness for sure, but so do his lifestyle choices. I know several people 60+ who, because they've worked at it, could give many 20 year olds a run for their money in the body department.

    As for those they say he just should've done ahead and done it. Fucking idiots. Mercy fucking is just tacky. If Father Time is so fucking wonderful, then he can devise a more honest way of luring men to his house. But the lack of action he received from Mason, and others who may have shied away as well, is no one's fault but his own.

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  27. Jesus. Can u all lay off the guy??!! I'm sure every single one of u at 1 point or another in your lives has made an ageist joke or remark of some kind!!!! Having that said, I further believe that a great deal of u posting on your outrage over Mason's comments are in fact somewhere up toward this bf in question's age group yourselves and are simply taking this a little bit too personally!!!!

    Having that said, I can't help but agree with the bulk of Mason's post. Being blindsided by a one night stand's bf is shocking enough, but let alone a dramatically older bf, is UNDERSTANDABLY that much more shocking... for ANYONE!!!!! It is still considerably unconventional and unexpected. Everyone is unique with their sexuality and their attractions. You certainly cannot BLAME Mason for simply being honest about his perception of the entire situation and his simple lack of attraction to said bf, for WHATEVER reason. Hell, assuming his observations are accurate (like the MISSING TEETH part), then his comments, while a bit sharp-tongued, are well-earned. Take it with the grain of comedic salt it was meant to be with. And shame on this elderly man for relying on his boy-toy to lure poor unsuspecting younger men into hesitant 3somes; I can't help but feel that's exactly what his M/O is.

    As for the possibility of cheating, well, like I said... everyone is unique. Some people are ok with it, some are not. Hell, 1 poster on here said he has no qualms whatsoever with fucking married men. To each his own. I also agree with another poster who suggested that this "Mitchell" is clearly screwed up enough just for proposing to have a quick romp behind his bf's back (as if he's not gonna know where he disappeared to). Furthermore, yes, there's a much stronger chance that Mason, or anyone in his position, would've much more strongly considered partaking in a 3some with these 2, were the bf of a more... youthful persuasion. Obviously that's where the conversation on that couch was headed anyways, so whatever went down would have been consensual. Again, that's not where his attractions lie. And he's NOT alone in that. You can call that ageist all you want. I call it brutally honest.

    In the end, if Mason could wrap his head around a steamy affair with this guy, I again can't help but know that the elderly bf would know exactly what went on and figured it as a strong possibility/probability. I see no reason why any of you have any right to get on him for not being ok with that. Whatever he chooses to do or not do with this guy or any other spoken for guy is HIS choice!!! And whatever reasons he has are HIS right to have!!! I realize he proposed the question "What would you do?" as the open-ended clincher, but I don't care! A question like that requests your opinions regarding a single choice, NOT your petty judgements and moral lacerations of him for being open about his experience!!!!

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  28. Don't fuck him. Don't reward him for being less then forthcoming with you. I'm sure he's sexy, but haven't we all learned by now that usually there is someone better around the corner. Often why people end up alone they are looking for the next BETTER option. In this case though, I think the next option would be better. How much worse could it be?

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  29. You are a whore. Your sell your ass for cash you vapid fuck. Get over yourself and fucking pray you never see the lonely end of you '40s

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  30. I love you Mason Wyler and im also from north texas im 27 an i have been in the same spot its freaky an gross . and most of these asshole's on here are full of shit most of the guys that are pissed off becuse there
    just as old ... an i belive that none of them wud have stayed an fucked the old geezers that might break a hip tryin 2 fuck or worse die while fucking ...

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